Testimonials

Our son, Aaron, was the oldest of our three boys. We had been told early on that it would be difficult for us to get pregnant. And then along came three boys, and we felt extremely blessed.

Aaron was a great big brother to his younger siblings. The three boys were close in age and were together all the time.

At the end of Aaron’s fourth grade year in school, he was invited on a trip with one of his friends. He had known this friend since preschool. The trip was to his friend’s grandparent’s home over Memorial Day weekend. This would be Aaron’s first big, long weekend away from home. He was ten years old. Little did we know that he wouldn’t come home.

He had a fun weekend with his friend, even though the weather was cold and cloudy. On Memorial Day the sun broke out and it was a beautiful day. The family decided to take their pontoon out on the lake before heading home. While on the pontoon, another family was enjoying the lake in a large speed boat. The parents had allowed their young son to “drive the boat.” But the power of the boat was much too much for the boy to handle and before the people could react their boat was going at full speed toward the pontoon boat. Within seconds, and without warning, the speed boat hit the pontoon. Aaron was standing directly in the path of the speeding boat and was killed instantly upon impact.

Now we faced life with an empty spot at the table, an empty bed at night, a blue bike with no rider, and two little boys who no longer had their big brother, Aaron.

No farewell words were spoken. No time to say good-bye. He was gone before we knew it and only God knew why.

Two years after Aaron died we moved to a smaller town in central Minnesota. Our house was different and the school was different. Nobody knew Aaron.

As we met new people, one of the first questions we were asked was, “How many children do you have?” Every time we heard that question we were reminded of the hurt deep within us.

A friend we had met told us about Smile Again Ministries. I (Connie) contacted Judy Misener and we met. Judy listened and understood the pain we were going through. Judy and her husband Pat had lost a 13 year old daughter years before.

Pat and Judy’s understanding of what we were going through meant the world to us. No one understands what it’s like to lose a child except another parent who has gone through it themselves. They know how simple things, like the smell of peanut butter, a song, the sound of a child riding a bike, the changing of the seasons, the beginning of another school year, all affects a grieving parent.

They listened, they shared, they supported us through their words and in their prayers. It took a long time to make peace with our pain, but through Smile Again Ministries we were able to move forward.

We met other couples, through the ministry, who had also had children die and together we shared our stories and what it was like to live life without that child.

Pat and Judy have become dear friends who have partnered with us through a common bond that you wouldn’t wish on anyone. We feel so blessed that our paths have crossed. Smile Again Ministries has been a lifeline for us and has helped pull us through the worst thing that could ever happen to a parent, losing a child.

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Gina was a loving, compassionate young woman. She was a people pleaser, but was not afraid to stand up for her beliefs. Gina had a beautiful smile and an infectious giggle. She had a strong faith in God, which I (Kathy) envied.

Gina was so excited about life. She was preparing to graduate from college in a month, with plans to work with special needs children. She was also making plans for her wedding which was planned for the following spring.

When Gina first got sick, we thought she just had the flu. But after two weeks she had gotten much worse. We took her to the hospital where they ran test after test, while she continued to get worse yet. She was airlifted to Mayo Clinic in Rochester, Minnesota. Her last words to us before she was airlifted were, “I love you.”

At Mayo she was diagnosed with meningitis – encephalitis. By the time we had arrived at Mayo, Gina was already in a coma. The doctors told us her condition was life-threatening. Thirty-eight days after Gina became ill, she died on May 18, 1999. She was 22 years old.

When Gina died a part of us died with her. We knew she was at peace, safe and happy in her heavenly home. But the pain of losing her was so unbearable. I (Kathy) wanted to die myself, even though I still had a loving husband and two other children who mean the world to me. The loss we felt was indescribable and all consuming. We felt like we would never have a reason to smile again.

I heard about Judy and Pat through my mother. They had lost their daughter several years earlier. When Judy called to invite me (Kathy) to meet with her and other grieving moms, I went. As I went, I prayed that somehow they would be able to help me through this nightmare. They did. Judy prayed with me and for me. She encouraged me by her example of her complete trust and faith in God.

We know we will never get over the pain of losing Gina. But Judy and Pat have helped us realize that we can get through it. We have found hope and peace in our pain, and we are thankful for so many reasons for Smile Again Ministries.

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Children are the most precious gift God can give us. No one knows what the next day or hours will bring…

In April of 2001, Shawn, Michelle, Theo and Jackie were a young family of four eagerly preparing for Easter. They had attended an Easter egg hunt on Palm Sunday, and were enjoying the outdoors as spring had finally come to Minnesota.

Michelle (Mom) gave hugs and kisses to her son, Theo (39 months) and was thrilled to hear her 22 month daughter Jackie say “I Love You” for the first time ( in a way only a child while sucking on a lollipop could!) , and headed to a church craft night with her sister-in-laws.

After opening prayers, Michelle was enjoying making soaps, when Shawn came in wet and sobbing. He told her that the Theo and Jackie were hurt. They had wondered into a neighbor’s unlocked and opened pool gate and drowned in their pool. When they drove up to their neighbor’s house the streets were blocked and I ran to the medics to find out what was happening. The medics were attending to Theo, who did not have a stable rhythm, and Jackie had been air lifted to North Memorial.

After the calls to Denver to let Michelle’s family know what was happening, Shawn’s sister drove them to North Memorial Hospital. The Weber family gathered at the hospital to wait. After what seemed like hours the Doctors, a hospital liaison and a Priest came in to tell us that Theo had died.

After gathering herself, Michelle went to say goodbye to Theo. “I held him and sang Amazing Grace, just as I did when he was an infant,” she said. “After singing Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star, I kissed his forehead for the last time. (I refused to see the children in the casket) The nurses told me that Jackie was holding on, so I went to her side kissed her and asked her ‘Please hang on, Mommy isn’t ready yet.’ Jackie was transferred to Minneapolis Children’s Hospital where she continued to fight. When we realized her spirit was waiting for us to let go, we agreed to let her die in peace. She died 13 hours after her breathing tube was removed. She fought until I (Mommy) could say goodbye and begin to face the reality that we were living.”

Jackie joined her brother Theo and Jesus three days after the accident on Holy Saturday of 2001. On April 17, 2001, Theo and Jackie were placed together in a small white coffin and buried in the St. Walberga’s Catholic Cemetery.

We were forever changed.

“I was a stay at home mom and life as I knew it was over,” Michelle said. “I had to ask the question, ‘Now what do I do?’”

Three days after falling apart, collapsing on the floor and begging for God’s help, Michelle received a phone call from Judy Misener asking if she would like to meet and talk. She said she had heard about our tragedy and she had lost a 13 year old daughter years before. Michelle knew she needed a group for help so she agreed to meet Judy and her group. It took Michelle two tries to get up the guts to meet Judy. Judy’s group was so welcoming that Michelle felt there was an instant connection with all of the members. After a few months, SAM had a gathering with spouses. Shawn and Michelle walked in and Shawn felt instantly understood by Pat Misener and the other men in the group.

“It has been 6 ½ years since the children died,” Michelle says. “Judy and the group helped me through many difficulties and helped me answer my question, ‘What comes next?’ They were my lifeline! I am now a working, happy person filled with hope for the future. I still think of Theo and Jackie daily, but with thoughts of happiness, good memories and gratefulness of being their mother. Judy and the entire group hold a special place in my heart and I thank God for sending them to me in my greatest hour of darkness.

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How can anyone prepare themselves for devastating news about your child?

In the fall of 2002 we were a typical, happy family. We had a son named Noah, and a daughter named Kaylee, with another child on the way (Grace Anna). We had just moved to Minnesota from Michigan as part of a job change.

Not long after we arrived in Minnesota we began to see that Noah wasn’t quite himself. He would cry easily and his legs were very bruised. As parents we were worried. It seemed Noah got sicker and weaker by the day. We had taken Noah to the doctor many times, but they couldn’t come up with a reason for his illness. We finally asked the doctor to do blood-work because we wondered if he had Mono?

“It was two days after my birthday in December,” Heidi remembers. “I was home while Jason and Noah were at the doctor’s office. I began to worry when the appointment seemed to be taking a long time. I called the doctor’s office and was told to come to the clinic because the doctor had some news that I needed to hear with Jason. Pat and Judy Misener came and picked me up, along with our daughter Kaylee. For some reason I asked Pat and Judy if they thought Noah had leukemia? Judy said she couldn’t answer that question since Jason had called her and Pat and had asked them not to say anything. It was then that I knew it was not going to be good news. I just wanted to see Noah and hug him.”

When Heidi arrived at the doctor’s office she was informed that Noah did have leukemia. The doctor was making arrangements with Children’s Hospital in Minneapolis to receive Noah that day. Quickly packing some clothing, they headed down to the hospital where Noah began to be analyzed and treatment options were determined.

“I was so upset in my spirit that I needed something from God,” Heidi said. “I took a Bible that Noah had and opened it up and God gave me the following verse, ‘Bend down oh Lord and hear my prayer. Answer me for I need your help.’ It was as if God was saying to us I am here and I will be with you and help you all.”

That day began what would become several months of chemo and radiation treatments for Noah.

One night Heidi was overcome with emotions and couldn’t stop crying. She was so upset that Noah had to go through so much pain and suffering at such a young age. He was only seven. Noah was sleeping in the hospital bed nearby. Hearing his mother crying he woke up. After a short time he said to her, “Mommy, Jesus will never leave us. He always loves us, and always hears us.” When Heidi asked Noah what he had said he repeated it again. Heidi said it was as though God himself had spoken to her. Those words brought calm and strength to her to go on.

As the months of treatment went by it became obvious that Noah was losing his battle with cancer. One day when the family was driving to church Noah said, “I just want to go to heaven.” Heidi didn’t know what to say, but she did tell Noah that she wanted him to stay with her.

In October of 2003 their family was given a trip to Orlando, Florida by the Make-A-Wish Foundation. Noah had been pretty sick before they left on the trip. But while the family spent a week in Florida Noah was strong and healthy and running the halls of the hotel. He even swam with the dolphins at Discovery Cove in Orlando. It was like a week of miracles for Heidi and Jason. But when Noah returned home he began to run a fever, and his strength slowly faded away.

On November 22, 2003 Noah lost his fight to cancer. He died at his home with his family around him.

Before Noah died he made a poster that said, “Jesus is my helper. Jesus died for you on the cross. Jesus can do a miracle. I love you a lot Jesus. Love - Noah.”

The grief was overwhelming to Jason and Heidi. Jason collapsed in the snow outside their home as Noah’s body was being taken away from their home. Heidi tried to act strong, and didn’t show or express all the emotions she felt inside.

“About two-and-a-half years after Noah died the grief really hit me,” Heidi said. “People thought I should be fine by then. But I wasn’t fine! I could hardly get out of bed and do anything. I just wanted to cry all the time.”

Heidi remembers that during the time since Noah’s death Judy Misener had tried to reach out to her with encouragement and support.

“I never wanted help before when Judy would offer to go through her grief study,” said Heidi. “Well I was wrong. I asked Judy if we could go through her study together. I wanted to get better. Judy would come over every week and cry with me and let me share whatever was on my heart. And the grief study that she wrote really helped me deal with my emotions.

“I felt like Judy loved me back to life again. I felt dead and like all of my dreams were gone. I had two beautiful daughters and a wonderful husband, but I still couldn’t function. Judy would tell me that I was normal. I sure didn’t feel normal, but she said that when you lose a child it’s like your leg has been cut off and you have to learn to walk again, but in a different way.”

Jason and Heidi have found that the grieving process isn’t always quick, and it certainly isn’t easy. With the help of Judy and Pat they have realized that it is okay to cry over the brokenness in their hearts, and then to trust God and His Word.

Today Jason and Heidi have a new son in their family. His name is Samuel Yang Schafbuch. He was adopted from China as a three year old. They feel like God has given them a dream to help orphans. “When your dreams die let God’s dreams begin!” says Heidi.

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Our son, Matthew David Carlson (or Matt, as he liked to be called) was born on December 6, 1982. He was the first of our three sons and was such a good little boy, very intelligent and LOVED books. As a young man, he was wild about music and taught himself to play the guitar and drums. He passed his passion along to his brother, Joe, and the two of them “rocked” our house. It was great and one of the only things the two of them seemed to have in common. He was six years older than our youngest son, Sam, and took the role of big brother and protector very seriously.

When he was 2½, he was diagnosed with diabetes. We were devastated, but after educating ourselves, we learned that he could live a normal life. He handled his diabetes well and eventually the needles and insulin became routine at our house. By age 5 he was checking his glucose level and giving insulin shots to himself.

In November of 2003, Matt was in his third year of college (pre-med) at the University of Minnesota-Duluth. His goal was to be a pediatrician specializing in diabetes. We talked to him on the Monday before Thanksgiving, he had a test to take, a shift at the nursing home where he worked and then was coming home for the holiday. He never came. We kept trying to reach him all day. I kept telling myself everything was okay, that he had taken and extra shift at work and forgot to tell us (which he had done before) but somehow this was different. I knew something was wrong. On Friday morning, our doorbell rang and my worst fears became true. It was a policeman. A friend had found Matthew dead on the kitchen floor. The autopsy report later stated a glucose level so high that he died instantly. We will never know what really happened leading up to that day.

After his death, everything changed at our house. A week later was his 21st birthday and then came Christmas. The holidays would never be the same. We were lost and struggled to do the simplest things.

A friend of mine, (Bonnie) connected me with Judy Misener. I believe that connection saved me. Judy (and the group) helped me through a really rough time in my life. There were reminders of Matt everywhere. They listened to my story and shared the stories of how their children had died. I experienced a feeling of support and understanding that gave me strength and hope. We worked through all the pain and feelings and it helped me to move forward. I believe Judy and the group saved my life, my sanity and also my faith. I am forever indebted to them. Smile Again Ministries helped me smile again!

Our life today is still full of reminders of Matt everywhere but we find comfort in that. Each year we have a party on the anniversary of his death to celebrate his life (and ours) and are thankful for the time we had with Matt. Rock on, Matt!

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John Cameron Steele II was a terrific boy. He was a typical boy. As the oldest boy, he liked to hassle his younger brother, Mike, and chase his younger sister Brittany around the house.

He set himself apart in a magnet school by excelling in math. He had the top scores of his eighth grade class and was given a scholarship to attend a private high school. In fact, in the fall of 1987 he was already making plans for college because he was on a track to finish high school early.

He was ambitious too, with a paper route, school, and an altar boy at church. He was also a catcher for his baseball team which took first place in State in the summer of 1987.

One of Johnny’s best friends was Steve Nelson. Steve was four years older than Johnny, but the two were like brothers. One of their favorite things to do was “roughing it,” on the Nelson family farm where there was no running water or other conveniences. For Johnny, the farm was a great place to get away from the city. He and Steve would often sleep in a “bunkhouse” covered with plastic that was built on to the garage, and heated with a wood burning stove.

That’s where Johnny was on February 21, 1988 when the unthinkable happened. While sleeping in the bunkhouse the wood burning stove caused a fire to break out. Johnny was unable to get out of the bunkhouse and died in the fire, just three days after his confirmation.

Johnny’s death was devastating to our family. When it first happened I was questioning God and how He could possibly love me. His younger brother, Mike, was lost in all that was happening. As an 11 year old he couldn’t understand what had happened to Johnny. Mike ended up taking over Johnny’s paper route.

Brittany was just 15 months old when Johnny died. She often looked for her brother Johnny.

I became pregnant in 1988, and found out at four months that I was carrying twins. During this time, a friend of mine told Judy Misener that I was really struggling. That’s when she contacted me and asked if I would like to talk about Johnny’s death. I told her no thanks, I was, “too busy.”

At five months I went into labor. Doctors were able to stop the labor, but I soon learned that one of the babies had quit growing and would not survive. In March of 1989 I gave birth to Matthew.

During this time, Judy kept in touch until I could no longer pretend that everything was okay. I felt like our family was wearing masks. When people looked at us they thought we were doing fine, when the truth was, our foundation was crumbling around us.

Judy and Pat helped us work through the grief of losing children. They helped us deal with the pressures that such grief places on a couple’s marriage, as well as helping us parent grieving children.

It was in sharing our pain, and watching our children go through grief, that Judy and Pat helped us experience hope again. They taught our family to embrace life through the pain. They helped us find peace and truth in Christ Jesus.

Now, 20 years later, I think what impressed us most about Judy and Pat was the fact that they are just ordinary people who share their pain to help other parents who have had a child die. Our friendship with them has truly been a God-send. We believe Smile Again Ministries (SAM) will be a great place of healing and hope for many other families, who like us, have had a child die.

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